7 surprising facts about orgasm and how to have more of them!

By Alyssa Quimby, MD

The Big O.  The Climax.  The Finish.  Whatever you call it – orgasms can be great!  

Orgasm is defined as a sudden involuntary release of sexual tension.  They come from various forms of stimulation (though mostly genital) and they can come from partner sex or masturbation.  Today I want to talk about some surprising facts about orgasm and how this information can help you have more of them!

#1 Orgasm Problems are COMMON!

It’s estimated that approximately 40% of females have struggled with orgasm in some way – whether it’s difficulty having them, a change in the intensity over time, or difficulty having them in specific contexts (ie, you can orgasm with masturbation but not with your partner).  I think this is a really important point because often women with orgasm difficulties feel alone and broken.  So if this is you, I hope this simple fact shows you that you aren’t alone in this.  And thankfully, there are often relatively simple fixes that can be made to improve this for you. 

To start, I remind my patients – orgasm is NOT the end all be all of sexual intimacy.  You can absolutely still have pleasurable sex (with yourself or your partner) and not orgasm.  And sometimes it’s the stress of trying to orgasm (or being worried you won’t) that actually makes the problem worse.  Because of this it can be immensely helpful to reframe your thinking and make orgasm not the goal.  Take it out of the picture.  Instead have your goal be connection with your partner, self-love, etc.  You may find that by reframing this and taking the pressure off, you are actually more likely to orgasm.  Ironic I know.  But trust me, this works!

#2 Orgasms can happen from all types of stimulation (not just genital!)

Genital stimulation (particular clitoral) is by far the most common way females orgasm.  That being said, you can orgasm from breast stimulation, stimulation of your inner thigh, your ear lobe, for some, even just mental stimulation.  Mary Roache, in her TED Talk on orgasm, talks about a woman who orgasms from brushing her teeth!  How crazy is that?!  And what excellent dental hygiene you would have if you were that person!?

So my challenge to you in this is the following: experiment with some different foreplay either with partner sex or masturbation to see if you can find some of your other erogenous zones you maybe didn’t know existed. 

And for those of you who struggle with orgasm, particularly if you are someone who can orgasm with masturbation but not partner sex – you likely need more focus on your clitoris.  Especially with penile vaginal sex, there is notoriously very little clitoral stimulation during penetration which means you need to add it by using a vibrator or a finger.   There are even wearable vibrators that the male partner can put around his penis that gives clitoral stimulation when in missionary position. 

#3 Orgasms can treat insomnia

Orgasms are actually good for more than just pleasure during sex.  Studies have shown that up to 75% of people sleep better with orgasm before bed.  So if you struggle with insomnia, consider masturbation before bed.  It might be more fun and effective than a sleeping pill!

#4 Orgasms can help to treat pain

When you orgasm, your body releases oxytocin which is the feel-good chemical.  This is what gives us feelings of relaxation, peace and happiness and can help connect us to our partner.  It’s also the same hormone that’s released in labor and during breastfeeding that contracts the uterus and connects us to our babies.  These feelings of euphoria and general well-being have been shown to at least temporarily reduce the sensation of pain from headaches, menstrual cramps, and other pain syndromes. 

So perhaps the age old excuse of “I have a headache” to avoid sex isn’t as valid as we once thought?!

#5 Orgasms do NOT increase your chance of pregnancy

It was previously thought that having an orgasm during sex helped to suck sperm into the uterus and fallopian tubes to where the egg could be fertilized.  This theory was aptly called “the up suck theory” and was developed in the early 1900s.  Later studies done by Masters and Johnson – two well known sex researchers in the 1960s, disproved this theory.  The study is pretty wild actually.  They took female subjects and had them orgasm with masturbation while wearing a cervical cap containing artificial sperm.  The artificial sperm was mixed with radiopaque material that could be seen on an xray.  Xrays of the pelvis of each subject were then done within a few minutes of orgasm and showed no evidence of up suck.  Isn’t sex research cool?!

Also very good to know for those of us trying for pregnancy that while orgasm with sex is always nice, it’s not really necessary or even helpful in the baby making department. 

#6 Exercise can improve orgasm

This is true in a few ways.  Generally exercise makes us feel better and releases endorphins that make us more likely to orgasm when having sex.  Exercise can also increase blood flow particularly to our pelvis and genitals depending on the exercise.  And the more blood flow you have to your genitals, the more the sensation of arousal.  The more the sensation of arousal, the more likely you are to have an orgasm.

And lastly, strength of orgasm has been tied to the strength of our pelvic floor.  So pelvic floor exercises like Kegels or similar, or exercises that help to strengthen our core and pelvic floor – like yoga and pilates – should (in theory) also help with improving the strength of your orgasm. 

All great reasons to consider a post-work out romp!

#7 Orgasms have their own holiday

Believe it or not, August 8th is International Female Orgasm day!  I mean, we have a holiday for donuts, why not have one for orgasm?!  International Female Orgasm day was established by Arimateio Dantas in Brazil.  Its goal is to bring awareness to female sexual difficulties and to encourage women to be more open in discussing sexual concerns.  And I couldn’t agree more how important this is!!

The bottom line – orgasms are healthy and natural and can look different for different people.  And if you are part of the 40% of our population that struggles with orgasm in some way – know that you’re not alone and there are many strategies to help.  Being honest with yourself and your partner is the first step to improving this aspect of your sex life.