How Sex Positive Parenting can actually help YOUR sex life
By Alyssa Quimby, MD
For all you parents out there – this post is for you! I know we mostly talk about our own sex lives on this blog but today I want to switch gears and talk about our kids. Though as you will soon find out – this will actually help us too!
If you haven’t heard of the term “Sex positive parenting”- let me introduce you.
It’s a concept of teaching children about their bodies and sexuality in a way that is open, accepting, and non-shaming. Sex positive parenting engages in healthy conversations about sex while celebrating individual differences.
It supports children’s sexuality and sexual identity and acknowledges that we are all sexual beings and it is normal to be curious about sexuality.
Regardless of the age of your child – it’s not too early or late to start this:
- If your child is toddler age, start by talking about anatomy using correct terminology – avoiding terms like “private parts” and “down there”. We want to teach our kids the correct terms and not use words that can imply shame or that they are in some way inappropriate. Kids at this age are often curious about how babies are made so answering questions about procreation in an age-appropriate (but still accurate) way is perfect!
- If your child is elementary school age, consider starting to discuss the changes of puberty including breast development and periods for girls, penis/testicle enlargement and erections for boys. Most girls start initial puberty around 8 to 9 (for boys it’s 9 to 11) so starting these conversations early is important!
- If your child is older elementary/middle school age, this is a good time to have conversations about sex and sexuality, and yes, even pornography and masturbation.
- And if you have a high schooler – now is a good time to talk about love and dating, consent, sexting and contraception.
For many people, talking about sex or using correct anatomical terms can feel awkward. And the way to work on making this less awkward is through practice. The more you do it the more normalized it becomes. And yes, of course I realize that the communication about sex and sexuality with your kids will be very different from the conversations you have with your partner – but the general topic is still the same. And the more comfortable you get talking to your kids about sex and their bodies, the more comfortable you will eventually be talking to your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t and what your needs are surrounding sex. We’ve talked in previous posts about the importance of communication surrounding sex - and this is just another example of this.
So see, there you go, sex positive parenting not only helps your kids but will also help you! Talk about a win-win!
And for more resources on sex positive parenting and how to talk to your kids about sex – check out some our workshops here!
