4 Facts about Stress and Libido
By Alyssa Quimby, MD
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a patient come to my office telling me she’s stressed out and her sex drive is terrible. And when I ask more about stress, she replies something like this. “Well yes, I am under a lot of stress – work is really busy, life at home is busy – the kids are in sports, school activities, etc, and my mom is ill and getting older so I’ve been helping to take care of her and manage her care. It seems like there’s just not enough time in the day to get it all done.”
This may seem super obvious to many of you reading this, but your stress levels MAJORLY impact your sex drive for 90% of people.
There is a small 10% (mostly males) that have a boost in their sex drive during times of stress, but for the majority of us, this is not the case.
Today we’ll talk about how stress impacts our libido in 4 important ways and next week we’ll talk about ways we can combat this!
#1 Stress increases our cortisol levels and decreases testosterone levels
You’ve probably heard of the stress hormone cortisol. It’s produced by the adrenal glands which are small glands that sit like a hat on top of your kidneys. Especially during times of long-term stress, cortisol actually inhibits the production of testosterone because the building blocks are the same. So if our body is using those building blocks to create cortisol, little is left over for testosterone. And believe it or not, testosterone is produced by both men and women and contributes to a healthy sex drive for everyone. So lower testosterone generally equals lower sex drive.
#2 Stress activates our sympathetic nervous system
We have two nervous systems in our body. The Sympathetic nervous system which is often called “fight or flight”. It’s responsible for activating our body to get out of danger. It does this by increasing our heart rate, widening our airway to allow us to breathe easier and faster, decreasing blood flow to our intestines so blood is shunted to our muscles to allow us to move easier/run away.
Our other nervous system is the parasympathetic nervous system which is often called “rest and digest”. This system is responsible for lowering heart rate, slowing down breathing, and helping our body save energy by digesting our food and storing that energy in our cells. It’s also responsible for sexual arousal – it helps shunt blood to the genitalia during sexual stimulation.
These systems are in direct competition.
So during times of stress, when our sympathetic nervous system is activated, it is nearly impossible for the parasympathetic nervous system to function (or at the very least to function well).
This in turn leads to difficulty with arousal and orgasm.
#3 Stress can limit us feeling close with our partner
Often in times of stress, it’s hard to focus on anything other than all the things we have on our plate and how to get them all done. We necessarily become more self-focused and more task oriented. Conversations with our partner may become even more transactional – who’s picking up the kids today, what is the plan for dinner, we need to so such and such for my mom this weekend, did you call the appliance repair person for the fridge, etc, etc, etc. And while these conversations are necessary, they don’t leave us feeling very connected. There is little time for talk about each other’s day, how we are feeling about life in general, what’s making us happy/fulfilled right now. And especially for women – this connection with our partner is directly tied to our desire for sex with them. So if this is lacking – most of the time, your sex drive will be lacking too.
#4 Stress builds with time
Often conversations surrounding sex and stress in my office, go something like this.
“My libido has really decreased over the past year or so”
“I’m sorry to hear that - but let’s talk about it so I can help you figure out what’s behind that. First, talk to me about your stress levels”
“Well sure, I’m stressed – life is just really full right now. But it’s been like that for a long time. Why would this be causing my libido to tank now?”
And the answer is this – unless your stress is from some very traumatic and sudden event – it doesn’t squash your libido in an instant. It builds and it can impact your libido slowly so you may not notice it right away until it’s to the point that you do.
This is also why stress reduction – while extremely helpful and important - won’t suddenly fix your libido either.
With time, by coming up with healthier ways to manage your stress and taking some things off your plate you’ll find your libido will resurface as well.
And perhaps even more importantly – you’ll be a happier and more satisfied person.
So with that, join me next week where we’ll talk about stress reduction strategies that are proven to specifically help with libido. The more relaxed version of you will thank me 😊
