3 Stress Relief Strategies for the Sexual Win!
by Alyssa Quimby, MD
We all have stress in our lives and unfortunately, especially as women, it’s almost impossible to have life stress not impact our desire for sex.
Getting rid of all stressors, while that sounds lovely, isn’t particularly practical.
Especially when those stressors come in the form of work, kids, and family responsibilities.
But what we can do is to learn to manage our stress better.
Last week we talked all about how stress can impact our libido in 4 important ways. If you missed it, check it out here! And today we’ll be talking about how we can practically manage stress in ways that are proven to help our libido. And no, my answer is not going to be drink a glass of wine and/or go on vacation. Hopefully you know me enough by now to know I’m a bit more pragmatic than this.
So let’s get to it with 3 ways proven to help your libido!
#1 – Exercise!
Exercise is just good for us. We all know it. But did you also know it’s a great libido booster?! Whatever the exercise, though a sweaty cardio in the form of a run is particularly my jam, it’s also a great stress reliver. Exercise can help us get out of our head or help us process all the things on our plate to better prioritize. It can give us clarity. And by helping with stress relief, we in turn help our libido, as we discussed last week.
Exercise also has the added benefit of bringing more blood flow to our body including our genitals. And studies have shown that this actually increases our ability to become aroused and orgasm.
For many people, exercise feels like just one more thing to add to your long to do list and it’s a relatively easy one to get rid of when you’re feeling crunched for time. But I’d like to challenge you to start thinking about this differently. Instead of thinking of it as another to do, think of it as absolutely vital in order to more thoughtfully (and calmly) complete all the other things on your list. Because if you don’t schedule it in and prioritize it – it likely won’t happen.
#2 – Write it down!
You may not know this about me, but I am the Queen of list making. Especially when I’m feeling stressed and overwhelmed, this is one of my favorite strategies.
When we have 1000 to dos rolling around in our head it can feel extremely unmanageable. But there is something about the act of writing with pen on paper that is not only very cathartic, it also helps you to feel a bit more organized and therefor in control. I usually follow this up with a mantra the Dear Dr. Twogood likes to remind me of which is “one thing at a time”.
We are programed as women to think we can multitask everything, but in reality, we can’t. In order to do our tasks well and thoughtfully we really have to focus on one thing at time. Sure, we can prioritize, and there are some things we can do more quickly than others with a “good enough” mentality. But for the majority of things, we really do have to complete one thing at a time.
Another version of “write it down” that may resonate with some of you is through journaling. I am not a journaler but I want to be. This is my husband’s jam.
Journaling is another way to get your thoughts on paper to help you process and organize. It can be a great activity before bed as a way to process or first thing in the morning as a way to organize your day. Whatever speaks to you – I challenge you to try it this week!
So how does list making or journaling help with your sex life you might ask?
In a few ways.
1. By helping decrease your stress, this will automatically give you a libido boost over time
2. By making a list in order to prioritize your to dos, you may find you have more time than you think to be able to prioritize sex. Remember our post about scheduled sex a few weeks ago?
3. By journaling you can better explore and discover some of your deeper feelings surrounding your sex life and some of the elements behind what may be causing it to be lacking.
#3 – Mindfulness Meditation
Meditation can take many forms. For some, it’s focused movement through yoga. For some, it’s sitting quietly focusing on their breath. For some, it’s focusing on a mantra for their day. Whatever it is for you – or whatever you feel like trying – there are incredible benefits to be had by adding this practice to your life.
Last week we talked about how stress activates our sympathetic nervous system and how this is in direct opposition to our parasympathetic nervous system that is responsible for arousal and orgasm. Mindfulness mediation should be considered a workout for our parasympathetic nervous system. It allows us to get in touch with our breath and relax in deeper way.
Several studies have looked at the benefits of meditation when it comes to sexual pleasure, but one I came across recently that I found interesting came out of Brown University. They recruited 30 female college students to participate, randomizing them to a 12 week mindfulness training vs courses with similar content but no meditation component. They looked at their response to visual sexual stimuli before and after training as well as level of attention, self-judgement, and perceived anxiety and depression. Those who took the mindfulness training outperformed the controls in all areas!
Granted this is a very small study and the participants were college students (of which probably all of you reading this are not), but it does really highlight some important potential benefits of meditation practice. IN other words, those who meditate can more quickly response to sexual stimuli, are more self-aware and less judgmental of themselves and may have less symptoms of depression or anxiety. I’d say that’s a big win for meditation!
So what’s the take home from all of this??
Stress isn’t great for us and it’s especially not great for our libido. And while we can’t take away all our stress, there are some great strategies to help better manage it. I hope this motivates you to give some (or all) of these things a try!
