The Power of Female Sex

By Alyssa Quimby, MD

For those of you reading who are Los Angelenos – what a devastating time this past week and a half has been for our city with so many families losing homes in these terrible wild fires.  We thought a short hiatus was in order but we are now back to discuss more Sex and the City inspired sexual wellness tips.   Though of course not forgetting this terrible tragedy – so on a very unrelated to sex note, if you are able and haven’t already done so, please donate to any number of go-fund-mes out there, donate clothes, food, goods, get involved with non-profits who are doing important work in the area like the American Red Cross and Habitat for Humanity.

As for Sex and the City, today we’re discussing Season 1, episode 5.  If you missed last episode, check it out here! In this episode, Carrie explores the power of female sex.  An exotic female acquaintance of hers makes a cameo and gives Carrie a taste of her fancy life – filled with handsome men, luxury hotels, travel to foreign lands, and expensive jewelry.  She introduces Carrie to a handsome French architect, and they have a romantic few days together during his trip to New York.  When he departs for Brazil and asks Carrie to come along, she realizes how easily it would be to slip into the life of a kept woman.  She begins to question even more so the power of female sex when he leaves her a hot $1000 in cash as a parting gift.   This leads to a conversation with her besties about how women can use their sexual power to their advantage to gain favor with men – whether it’s a promotion at work, an upgrade at a hotel, a reservation at the hottest restaurant in town – you get the idea.  And how this is a double standard that we don’t want men to use their dominance and power to take advantage of women but we’re often ok with us as women doing the same. 

So what does this have to do with your sexual wellness?? 

I’m certainly not suggesting you leave your partner to become a kept woman.  But I would encourage you to look deeper into your sex life and think about the power dynamic that’s there. 

Have you used your sexual power now or in the past and if so, how has it made you feel? 

Does feeling powerful make sex more enjoyable – because for most women it does. 

And if so, think about ways you can bring more of this to your life. 

Here are a few examples:

-          Be more assertive about when and how you’ll have sex.  Instead of being the passive participant, try a more dominant role.

-          Consider withholding sex for a time (but not in a punishing way as women sometimes do).  Do it with some flirtation and tease.  This allows the anticipation of sex to build up (and with you in control of it) so when you do finally have sex it’s more passionate and hotter. 

-          Try a more dominant position like you on top or add some more rough foreplay to your repertoire (think spanking, hand binding, etc.) – with consent of course. 

You may find that playing with the power dynamic a bit and/or getting out of your normal sexual routine can really help to spice things up.

And just think of how proud Carrie and her friends will be of you!