Valley of the Twenty-Something Guys

By Alyssa Quimby, MD

Happy New Year!  In this next month we’ll continue our series following Sex and the City episodes with all the sexual wellness goodness we can glean from them.  Today I discuss season 1, episode 4, “Valley of the Twenty-Something Guys”.   In this episode Carrie has a fling with a twenty-something named Sam at the same time she’s in the initial flirting stages with Big.   She finds herself stuck between a man who is fun and exciting but also probably too young for her and an older man who is more complicated and busy and who she may not be quite ready for.  Both Miranda and Samantha are also exploring sex with twenty-somethings and while they initially enjoy the benefits of this – mainly hot sex and little attachment – Samantha in particular realizes that when you have sex with younger men, you’ll always been seen as “older” and so quickly ditches this habit.  Because who wants to be seen as the “older women”?! Unless you’re into that I suppose.

So what can we learn from the Dear Carrie and her crew?? 

What is the intrigue behind sex with younger men and how can we get some of this intrigue in our own sex lives? 

I think for many women younger men feel exciting and make us feel young which often also makes us feel sexier.

So how do you get some of this excitement into your sex life without ditching your partner for a younger model?

A few suggestions…

Remember what it’s like to make out again – like when Carrie first meets Sam, all they do the first several dates is kiss.  She says “I forgot how fun it is to kiss the whole night”.  Kissing your partner in a long passionate way is likely outside of your normal routine for those in long-term relationships.  So I’d challenge you to bring this back and see if it helps give your relationship a “young energy” boost.

Have sex somewhere unusual or different – I’m not talking about Carrie’s morning realization that she was in a “gross twenty-something apartment”.  I’m talking about something less gross.  For example, have sex in the shower, or your living room couch, or your office – anywhere that’s not your bed.  Yes it may be a bit awkward to get out of your normal routine but it can also be super hot.

Have sex in a different position – We take inspiration from Samantha on this one.  During one of her many sexcapades with the twenty-something chef, she reports all the ways they had sex and how exhausted she was from going at it all night.  And while most of us are not up for an all night sex sesh, but we can certainly explore some new positions every now and again.  Afterall, you may find something new and fun that you or your partner is really into.